Saturday, August 16, 2014

Understanding Depression: Recognizing the Difference Between Depression and Depressive Illness



Understanding the nature of depression as opposed to depressive illness is vital when it comes to being supportive of a friend with depression.  

For example, a university friend, Marilee, was normally busy, active and happy. Over a period of several weeks, she gradually became quiet, contemplative and increasingly reluctant to participate in class projects or extra-curricular activities. She seemed to wear an aura of sadness, was tearful at times, but seemed well, otherwise. Her friend, Margaret became increasingly concerned about her, realizing that there was a problem. This was not normal behavior for Marilee, who did not want to talk about whatever was happening in her life.

Was Marilee depressed or did she have a depressive illness?

Knowing Marilee well, Margaret decided that being her friend would be the best way to help her. She was determined to be there for her and hoped Marilee’s depression would pass in the near future.   

The Public Health Agency of Canada suggests that depression and depressive illness differ, stating that  

“Problems and misfortunes are a part of life. Everyone experiences unhappiness, and many people may become depressed temporarily…”

Note the use of the word, temporarily. Perhaps that is the key to understanding how to support a friend with depression. You, like Margaret, can be there, at least for a while, for a friend who seems to be depressed. 
While it may be time consuming for you to be a friend, it is effective in terms of supporting a friend with depression.

Note some of the other key aspects to supporting a depressed friend.  

Margaret began to search for answers, because she suspected something has happened to Marilee recently. She was right, but she did not learn the truth until much later.

Life events often trigger depression.

Margaret suspected that Marilee’s depression was the direct result of some event in her life that she could not or would not talk about, at this time. She decided to be gentle and kind with her, leaving the door open for Marilee to discuss what had happened. She knew that Marilee would do the same for her. Her listening skills were relatively good and there was no rush.    

Experiences in failure commonly result in temporary feelings of worthlessness and self-blame, while losses cause feelings of sadness, disappointment and emptiness.”

While failure brings about negative or adverse feelings, as it is not easy to deal with, but these emotions are temporary, too.

Over the next few weeks, Margaret made a point of inviting Marilee to share her thoughts, over lunch. She decided not to pry into Marilee’s personal affairs. Instead, she chose to do random acts of kindness for her. This seemed to work, as it gradually brought Margaret out of her state of depression.          

“Such feelings are normal, and they usually pass after a short time. This is not the case with depressive illness.” 

Note that Margaret did not make any inference to Marilee or others, about the possibility of her having a long-term, mood disorder or depressive illness. In fact, she avoided doing that, hoping that it would only be a matter of time before Marilee became her normal self again.

Time is a great healer of wounds and this seemed to work. Marilee gradually returned to being her busy, active and happy self.

Years later, Marilee thanked her for being her friend during that difficult time and explained what had happened to her.

“That was when I learned about my birth mother for the first time, but I could not bring myself to share it with you then.”

Learning the truth had given her a sense of loss with respect to her birth mother, but also triggered feelings that she needed to deal with in respect to her adoptive mother. Having sorted out her mixed feelings, she was able to share them with Margaret, but only much later. After giving birth to her own daughter, Marilee knew that every birth mother loves her baby and that it is possible to have an adoptive mother who loves you too.

Note that this was a temporary depression, not a depressive illness which would have required professional medical treatment. Margaret proved to be a supportive friend to Marilee during her difficult time.
  

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