How to Rectify Relationship Problems With Family Members: Are You an Active Listener?

“Rectifying family relationships with family members, “ ERICDigest.org suggests often presents a challenge. 

Ideally, there should be no relationship problems in families, but unfortunately, in a less than ideal world, every family has relationship problems between family members. Many of the family problems may be suppressed, hidden or less apparent, while some are immediately obvious.  

At times, there is a communication breakdown and relationships can be restored using good listening techniques.   

“Listening techniques including restatement of content, reflection of feelings, taking turns expressing feelings, and nonjudgmental brainstorming are some of the methods utilized in communication skill building.”

Rectifying more serious family relationship problems is possible too, but it takes time and concerted effort on the part of everyone. Be aware not everyone in a family necessarily wants to rectify family problems. In fact, some family members prefer not to do so, because it may mean accepting responsibility as a family member, assisting other family members financially or otherwise being there for them and perhaps wasting their own valuable time. 

Remember that every family member lives in a busy world.        

Consider the following tips with respect to how to rectify relationship problems with family members.

Family is family. 

Remember that each person in a family is a unique individual who needs and wants the love of other family members. Let family members know that you love them unconditionally, regardless of past or present family relationship problems. Mutual forgiveness goes a long way in terms of restoring family relationships.   

Give family members enough time and space to resolve their own personal issues and concerns. You may need some time and space to identify the source of the family relationship problems. Be aware you are not necessarily the problem. In fact, the problem might not have anything to do with you. If you think you might be the problem, or the cause of family relationship problems, offer an apology. It may or may not be accepted. Do not be offended if your apology is not accepted. Some family members may acknowledge it, while others never acknowledge it.

Do not try to be the fixer-upper in all problematic, family relationship scenarios. You may only make matters worse for them and for yourself. Family members may see it as you meddling in their personal affairs, even if that is not your intention. Any family members involved in excessive nicotine, alcohol or substance abuse will likely not respond to attempts at resolution of family relationship problems, because addiction is central in their lives. Sibling rivalry and family jealousy may be difficult to overcome.

Spend quality time with family members when possible, setting a good example of peace and harmony for them. Gifts, even small ones, can go a long way in terms of mending relationship tears. Try to maintain a positive, constructive and motivational attitude towards what family members are attempting to do or are doing.

Avoid negative criticism of your children and grandchildren, as well as others. Find something positive to dwell on instead. Do not waste your time or energy on anger, rehashing the past with siblings or making unreasonable demands on family members, particularly financial ones. Family events are not the time for anyone to create more problems.

Listen closely to what family members are saying, being aware that the actual, relationship problems may not be what you are hearing or seeing.

Pay close attention to the needs and desires of family members. You may be able to help them, but do not try to force your help on them. At times, it is wiser to let them come to you and ask for help. When that happens and it will eventually, be available to them. You may be able to clarify misunderstandings, or gently bridge the existing gaps between family members.

At times, if you recognize the family relationship problems are out of your realm, it is a better idea to send them or take them to their family doctor or to a professional, health care counselor. Even then, rectifying relationship problems with family members may take time, so have patience.