Every little girl dreams of
being a princess rescued by a prince, at one time or another. Perhaps it is a
cultural ideology taught to her when she is young or an instinctive
survival tactic. For some, it is more than a frog-turned-prince fairy tale.
What is the best way to explain
the Cinderella complex?
The article in the “New York Times” entitled, “The
Cinderella Syndrome”, discusses the concept of the Cinderella
complex and explains it as
“psychological dependence” or the “conscious or unconscious wish to escape
responsibility”.
In freedictionary.com the
expression "Cinderella
complex" is a term coined by
C. Downing in her 1990 book of the same name, for what she describes as women’s
unconscious desire to be taken care of by others based primarily on a fear of
independence, often coupled with a need to be rescued by an outside force” or
“a prince.”
Explaining the Cinderella
complex is not easy and perhaps there is no best way to explain it,
particularly during an era where women of all ages, races, creeds and colors
struggle for survival and equality with men, while at the same time wanting to
be dependent and secure in their lives and marriages.
In the typical western world,
little girls enter a culture where they are dependent upon others, particularly
their fathers. Every little girl is a princess in her own right and thus, she is taught
to be gracious, polite, well spoken and culturally correct in that role. In her
teen years, the father role gradually diminishes and another male figure, who is
often a boyfriend, begins to fill that role.
When there is discord or
dysfunction in a family setting including remarriage, disillusionment can set
in. The prince-to-the-rescue ideal takes over for the little girl.
Unfortunately, this can grow into an increasingly idealistic, romantic world
envisioned through rose-tinted glasses, as they become teenagers. If it becomes
exaggerated, it can be a coping mechanism even for older women.
Unfortunately, the real world
is not always gracious, as little girls tumble from princess to pauper status
in their own eyes, as well as that of others. Many times, this happens in their
early teen years long before they have learned how to become independent.
Their base survival may be at the mercy of others.
The typical Cinderella story
portrays the extreme cruelty of a nasty stepmother and two stepsisters, who
show little or no compassion for her plight and reduce her to a life of servitude. In
her mind, she invents or clings to her princess role with a fairy godmother,
who works magic with a prince who rescues her.
Insecurity and fear of
independence is understandable from the perspective of a little girl who is
growing up. As much as she wants to be a responsible adult, she may not able to
assume that role. She may live under the delusion of never having to grow up or
become a responsible, adult female.
Young boys or teenagers may
have an experience similar to the Cinderella complex. They may undergo insecurity
and fear of independence, particularly when their worlds experience disaster,
war, famine and poverty.
Rapidly changing male and
female, gender roles can be part of the Cinderella complex. Marital and family
dysfunction magnifies the problem with children and/or spouses seeking safe
haven, after having being rescued by a frog-turned-prince or a prince-like
figure, who offers security. They turn to and cling to a person with a dominant
personality.
Thus, it is not just females
with a submissive, dependent role, as with changing times, young and older men
can seek a dominant female or male figure who meets their needs, too. Females and
males can find themselves coerced into assuming the sub-dominant, dependent
role. Trying to break free is not necessarily easy, as that takes courage on
their part.
Perhaps extensive research in
the future will help to explain the Cinderella complex with its far-reaching
implications further.
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