How Self Esteem Issues Can Be Psychologically Damaging to a Relationship

Self esteem, psychological damage and its effect on relationships cannot be underestimated.

There are many ways that self-esteem issues can be psychologically damaging to a relationship. When not recognized early enough, damage to the psyche or self may seem to be irreparable, but educators in every realm are aware of this reality and can be instrumental in restoring one’s self-esteem and fragmented interpersonal relationships.

Understanding self-esteem may prove beneficial.

What is self-esteem?

Dictionary.com suggests that self-esteem is “a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself”, one that has to do with “self-respect”. It can also be “an inordinately or exaggeratedly favorable impression of oneself”.  

Self-esteem begins to develop early in life, in conjunction with loving and caring relationships established between infants and parents. This develops further through positive, constructive reinforcement in the interaction with other family members, including grandparents and siblings. Other children, teenagers and adults are instrumental in creating strong ties and bonds that reinforce self-esteem throughout the various stages of self-esteem development.

Unfortunately, throughout life, not all interpersonal relationships are positive, constructive self-esteem builders. Many are exactly the opposite or relationships that tend to be negative, destructive and derogatory in nature. Note that the need to tear down the self-esteem of others may be the direct result of having a low self-esteem.   

Having a damaged self-esteem personally is akin to enduring a emotional or psychological wound that does not heal easily or quickly. Newly inflicted psyche wounds create more self-esteem damage, break open old wounds or increase them further.   

When one’s self-esteem is over-inflated or exaggerated, there may be repeated attempts by others to cut that person’s ego down to size, which may or may not be justified. At times, extreme or radical criticism can cause a person with an over-inflated ego to exaggerate him or herself further. Unfortunately, that often leads to frustration, anger or depression. In severe cases, there may be suicidal tendencies.

How self-esteem issues are psychologically damaging to a relationship can vary depending upon their severity. 

For example, some mother-infant relationships suffer because of the inadequacy of care accorded to infants. As infants become children, not receiving positive reinforcement may damage their self-esteem further. Siblings in competition with one another for parental affection may belittle each another, ultimately coloring their self-esteem. School age children bully other children attempting to build their own esteem while simultaneously lowering the self-esteem of others. Teenagers in peer groups often single out individuals who are emotionally, physically and psychologically vulnerable to abuse. Adults of all ages compete for jobs and may be ego damaged at times by others, including employers. Even seniors can deprecate others to validate their own self-esteem.

No one is exempt from relationship problems stemming from psychological abuse directed towards one’s ego.  

The question becomes one of how to repair the self-esteem of someone who has relationship problems because of psychological self-esteem issues. At times, there are no easy answers, but there is hope for healing when there is understanding.